Motherhood is tough, if you’re a mom then you know this. If you’re not a mom, you may have an idea but you don’t really know. Today I am sharing something with you that I wish I had read before becoming a mom. Things they don’t tell you about motherhood. Yes, there are things they don’t tell you. Things you can’t make up if you tried and things you can’t quite prepare for beforehand. Some silly and some serious, I hope you enjoy this long list of things I’ve discovered during my motherhood journey- here are 25 things they don’t tell you about motherhood.
1. And the Grammy award goes to…..
Everything is fine and dandy until you tell your child no-all of a sudden, we’ve got an award winning actor on our hands. Give in just a little and we’re back to rainbows and clear skies- It is quite impressive if I do say so myself. They know it too, you may even get the side look from them to make sure you’re actually buying it. I’d say it’s just a phase and they will grow out of it but I’m not really convinced it is. I mean, I find myself acting it up at times to get what I want and I know you do it too.
2. There will be things you said you’d never do & you’ll do them.
Guilty and guilty. Before you have kids, it is so easy to say that you will never let them do something. Whether that be letting them cry it out in public or eating candy after 8pm, be careful saying you’ll never let your kids do something. Before my kids, I was totally and completely against letting my kids sleep in bed with us. I always felt like I needed my space and was not willing to compromise that time with my husband. Here we are, Lennox is 3, Dax is 1 and if they made a bigger bed we’d be investing in one. Some parents may not agree but we actually don’t mind the nightly company. In fact, the nights she does decide to sleep in her big girl bed, we miss her. The list of things we said we’d never do continues, just know it’ll happen-to the best of us moms.
3. You’ll wash the same load of laundry several times.
You know, you win some and you lose some. Laundry is my kryptonite. I don’t like washing it, I hate drying it and I loathe folding it and putting it away. It’s just not my thing-will never be my thing. My husband gets on to me when he sees a pile of laundry on the floor that he can’t determine whether it’s clean or dirty. Just wash it again is my solution-at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with it for another 45 minutes. On the other hand your load of laundry just might get left in the washer for a couple of days until you have to smell it to determine how long it has been there. Either way, laundry sucks… can I get an AMEN?!
4. Fruit gummies are actually a decent breakfast.
This one is a joke obviously, I don’t give my kids fruit gummies for real… all of the time. No seriously, my kids eat a decent breakfast but no judgment here if some days you grab a pack of welches on your way out the door. Life is busy and there is never enough time in the day, not to mention how picky our toddlers have become. Some days I just want my child to eat anything to ensure she’s being fed- I mean, I survived.
5. You’ll never go to the bathroom alone again & Daddy always miraculously disappears when you need him.
This is a running joke but it is more true now than ever. I’m going to tell you a story, based on absolutely true events. The other evening, after I had finished my motherly duties, I decided to take a little quiet time to myself to handle some of my other duties-ya feel me? I’m doin’ my thing when my daughter walks in… “Mommy I need a snack.” to which I reply, “go ask your dad.” Seriously, did she really walk right past him to come ask me? Yup. If it’s not a snack, its something else but we all know us moms can never do any duties without our little ones right by our sides.
6. Packing for a trip means taking everything but the kitchen sink.
Family vacations are a blast-preferably without kids. Kidding geesh, but for real these kids come with a lot of baggage. Our most recent family vacation to the beach consisted of 3 hours packing and loading the car with sh*t. Anything and everything you can name, we brought (just in case). If you have children, then you know. They have their own clothes, beds, potties, blankets, bottles, milk, food, etc. Yep, everything but the kitchen sink.
7. Kids can reach anything they want and they are WAY smarter than we give them credit for
My nephew is 1. Don’t let that little one year old fool you though. He makes his mama coffee and delivers it to her bedside every morning with a buttered muffin in tow. Kidding on that part but he really does know how to brew a coffee in the Keurig. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not witnessed it myself. He climbs up onto the chair to the counter, grabs a mug from the cabinet, puts it under the coffee maker, places the pod in the correct spot and presses brew. All perfectly done. Genius? I think so.
8. Poop can and will end up on your hands… maybe even other weird places.
It’s gross, disgusting even. I remember the first time my daughters poop got on my hand during a diaper blowout. Done, I was done. Oh, up until the day that same daughter-3 years later- stepped in her own poop and proceeded to walk around the bathroom leaving little poop foot prints all over. Right then and there she was my husband’s child, not mine. I guess you could say I am just used to poop now after having a second child. Dax (like most boys I’ve heard) likes to reach down and grab his you-know-what every time his diaper comes off. It’s only an issue when he has a big stinking poo diaper and decides to grab a handful. I’ve never reacted so fast in my life, from hand to almost mouth I intercepted just in time. This is what my life has come to, oh motherhood.
9. Shopping is now considered manual labor.
If you plan to take your kids to the store, bring backup. One always wants to walk and grab things off the shelves to add to your cart- even after saying no about three hundred times. The trick I’ve learned is to just let them add the item and sneak it out later somewhere else in the store (Sorry super understanding Publix employee). On the other hand, you could get really lucky and experience a temper tantrum in the middle of an aisle. Between wondering how your kid got so freaking crazy so fast and not wanting to look like you’re an abusive parent, you have to decide how to handle the situation. Are you the parent that walks away from your full cart and leaves to avoid any embarrassment? Or are you the parent that picks them up, all while they perform a dance number in your arms, shrugging it off like “Mama’s gotta get this done, people are just going to have to get over it?” I could tell you which one I am but I think we all know this Mama has little time for b.s. so I gotta get stuff done. Luckily, my kids are pretty decent in the store 98% of the time but we’ve had a couple close calls.
10. Sometimes you’ll consider leaving them in the car to just run in real quick.
With the car running while the air is on of course. I would never do this, it’s just a joke so please don’t ever do it.
Have you ever found yourself at the gas station pump and the card reader decides it wants to send you inside to see the cashier? The idea of taking the kids out of the car to run inside for just a minute will make you really consider this. Of course I wouldn’t do it, I’d just load back up and drive to another gas station. No unloading and re-loading two kids for me, no thanks!
11. Your senses will be heightened like superhero status.
I can’t be the only mom that smells everything. Why is it we do that?! Clothes, bottles, diapers, toys, hands, feet, hair, I smell it all! As moms, our sense of smell is so good that we can even identify our own child’s poopy diaper in a room full of kids. Mind blown. Not only smell, but hearing is heightened as a mom too. We may decide to tune fit throwing out but you better believe we can hear our child’s hurt-cry coming from the playground about a football field away. Super mom to the rescue!
12. The occasional bumping their heads on doors, walls, toys & car doors will definitely happen.
It happens to the moms that always seems to have it together and it happens to the moms that are a hot mess express. At one point or another, you will bump your kid’s head on the car door as you’re putting them in. You’ll say you’re sorry a bunch of times to your kid and do a quick look-around to see if anyone else saw it too. If you’re like me, you may throw out a quick sorry but skip the look-around because it’s not the first time, it probably won’t be the last and they’re fine anyway. Shake it off.
13. Everything you think is yours…. isn’t.
My food, my drink, my bed-you get the point. None of those things are actually mine. I try to keep them to myself but the kids reach for my plate at every bite I take, drink the last sip of my drink right when I’m the most thirsty and hogs every inch of the bed. I buy them their own cup, they don’t want it. I buy them their own kids meal, they don’t want it. A queen sized bed occupies my daughter’s room and do you think she uses it? If you guessed no, you’d be correct smarty pants. Everything I thought was mine, in fact isn’t. I know I will miss these times when they are older so for now I will just share with a smile (sometimes crooked, but yeah-smile).
14. Your pet will hit the back burner.
Your first baby, your first love, your pet. They were there for you when you broke up with your first boyfriend, they went for joy rides in your car on a nice Sunday afternoon and now the poor thing has to beg for a game of fetch. It’s hard to balance a crazy life and your attention goes to the blood you brought into this world before anything else- it just does. I find myself getting annoyed with our dog Lola for things I wouldn’t have before- yes I feel guilty about it. I cuddle her as often as I can but let’s face it, it’s nothing like before. You’ll still care about them but your focus is now and forever more on those babies.
15. So long clean house.
Just wave goodbye to your clean living room and freshly wiped down countertops. Motherhood allows you to only have one area clean at a time. Just long enough to snap a picture for social media and then it’s back to the normal mess. I clean one room, the other rooms somehow look like a hurricane went through. Move to the next and have to circle back again. It’s overwhelming at times and I find myself going on strike against cleaning it (as if that really works). I was told once that my house wasn’t messy- it looked “lived in”. Yeah, lived in, really really lived in.
16. SUVs with 3rd row option only please.
It’s funny how things change when you become a mother. We tend to look at functionality as a selling point rather than appearance or popularity. When I bought my SUV I told the car salesman that I was only interested in one with a 3rd row option. The more people I can fit into one vehicle, the better. The best room for car seats and strollers-sold.
17. You’ll have to re-heat your coffee at least twice every morning.
Every weekend while home with the kids, my feet hit the ground running bright and early. First thing I do is make myself a cup of joe, take a sip and then set it on the counter for the next 30 minutes while I change diapers, fix breakfast and turn on Mickey Mouse. I finally decided to just switch to cold brew because I was over having to microwave my once hot coffee (it never truly tastes the same to me to reheat it). If hot coffee is your thing, be ready to heat that sucker up again and again.
18. Breastfeeding is tough- really tough.
I have to brag for a minute and this is not to judge or shame any other momma for not being able to breastfeed their babies. I have been fortunate enough to nurse my littles and it did not go without lots of effort and drive to push through the tough times. In the beginning, I got scabs and sores on my nipples but I pushed through. I had to pump at work multiple times a day (in and out of the car) but I pushed through. I had to leave events because my boobs hurt like the dickens if I went too long without feeding/pumping but I pushed through. It is okay if you don’t push through like I did, FED is most important and breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. You are no less of a mom if you decide to give your baby formula instead. This was a personal preference and goal of mine and I am happy to celebrate one year of breastfeeding Dax. If you need encouragement or tips on how to keep going, I would be happy to help!
19. Modesty goes right out the window.
From the beginning of pregnancy to the end, you’ll find lots of doctors and nurses down in your business. Even for me, a C-section momma, I had to be checked at every appointment towards the end of my pregnancies. I’m sorry to inform you but it doesn’t stop there. Even after the baby comes out, there will still be doctors and nurses down in your business. Hell, you will even have lactation consultants groping your girls to ensure you’re doing it all right. With the first couple of visitors I tried to cover up the goods- but then it got too difficult. Whatever. You know your friends love you when you can show them how milk squirts out of your boobs when you squeeze them the right way…. yeah right out the window.
20. You’ll gain and lose friends.
Speaking of friends, you find out who they are when you are ready to grow your family. It doesn’t mean you’ll have a nasty blowout but it does mean you’ll find that you have different interests in life. You’ll gravitate towards those with kids of their own and slowly stop chatting with Single Sally as often as you did before.
21. The love for your husband will grow into a love for your children’s daddy.
You married that man for a reason. Of course because of his good looks but you also had an idea of the person he was and the daddy we would one day become. I can say that watching your husband become a daddy is like falling in love over again- if you get the right guy of course, not all are created equal. My husband loves our kids with every fiber in his body and it’s some sort of sexy let me tell you. Now if only we could find time to squeeze in some one on one action, we’d be doing great.
22. You’ll have some mom fails and it’s okay.
I am here to tell you, mom fails happen and you will make it through. Did you forget to pack their lunch? Did you grab two left shoes? Perhaps run late to their gymnastics class? If you’re a real parent, you’ve done this and it’s okay. In the moment all you can think about is what other people are thinking. You can’t help but feel embarrassed because you really do have your sh*t together most of the time. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… it’s okay. You have a lot on your plate and you’re human.
23. Other parents know everything.
And I mean everything. You will have one of those people in your lives that literally have the answer for ev-er-y-thing. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but it seems like every time you say one thing, their answer to it is almost always the opposite. I mean, they did write the baby bible didn’t you know? Ok, I’ll stop but seriously people. It is okay to reach out to other mommas for advice but take everything with a grain of salt. You know your child better than anyone and let’s not forget who birthed them- you’re qualified to make your own decisions.
24. Mom shaming is real… & it’s really sad.
This is the cold hard truth. I’m guilty of it and if you’re sitting there saying you’re not, you’re lying to yourself and you may be part of the problem. Motherhood is challenging as it is, filled with pressured moments and difficult decisions. Why we feel the need to add more pressure to ourselves makes no sense to me. Every baby is different and every parenting style is different. Not one person has all of the answers and not one child is perfect. You know how hard you try to be a good mom? Well, other moms are trying too. Cut them some slack and cut yourself some slack too. I blame social media for a lot of why parents doubt themselves and their capabilities. The picture perfect families, clean houses and best dressed children can leave you unappreciative of your own life. Keeping up with the Jone’s is a disease- don’t develop this disease. So what if you don’t have a luxury car, so what if you keep on a few extra baby pounds and who cares if you don’t eat all organic food. Just STOP with the MOM SHAMING! It’s totally awesome if you have those things but it’s also okay if you don’t. Let’s just come together as good moms and embrace this thing called motherhood!
25. Despite everything, you will love those kids more than you love yourself.
Your kids will drive you nuts, they will test your patience and they will make you second guess how you’re doing as a parent. They get dirty, they leave their toys all over the place, they throw fits about food and they are super needy. They will also make you laugh your ass off, shed a tear at their big dance recital and give you butterflies when they cuddle up into your lap. The way their hair and skin smell, their sweet voices when they mispronounce a word and the way they look at you during their proudest moments will make you weak- so incredibly weak. A piece of you is what they are and you will love them more than you ever thought possible. You’re a mom and you’re incredible.
I hope you enjoyed this list of 25 things they don’t tell you about motherhood. Though this list is truer than I care to admit, I wouldn’t change it for anything else in the world. To my momma friends out there, you’re doing a great job, keep it up and I applaud you. Cheers.
Your fellow momma,
Danahia
My Hand in Life 