Say the mood has struck, call it motivation, a push, a slight change in the wind-I just want to share something with you. A taboo topic, one that is never talked about but that so many women experience. A letter to you, Mother of an angel.
This is going to be one of the hardest days of your life. Between the emotional and physical pain, you will ask yourself over and over “why is this happening?” Although you only carried that sweet pea in your belly for a short time, you will think about him/her everyday. You started making plans and you’ll feel like you’ve been shafted. There will be moments of peace quickly followed by reminders that will make you feel empty. You’ll hear, “God knows what he’s doing, something was wrong with the baby.” And in that moment if you feel the urge to punch that said person square in the chin, I’d say your emotions are on point.
Do not be alarmed by the overwhelming feeling of jealousy when you see pregnancy announcements all over social media. It is an ugly feeling but it in time it will pass. It is possible to be genuinely happy for someone while at the same time feel a sense of envy. It should be you, that is a tough pill to swallow. Take it day by day, remain there for your soon-to-be mom friends to the best of your ability. Remember, they love you and it is not their fault.
Try not to think about the months or years it took creating your sweet miracle-yeah right. Instead, embrace the happiness you felt the moment two pink lines appeared after months of disappointment. The thought of starting over will defeat you but you CAN get pregnant and will again.
How do I know this?
Last year, I too experienced this. I had a perfect pregnancy with my daughter and went through my second pregnancy thinking it would be the same. Little did I know, the (higher than you may think) percentage of miscarriage in the first trimester got me. I was 3 days shy of my 12 week appointment when it got me. I couldn’t believe it. I was just a few days away from announcing it to the world (Social media-maybe not the world but it might as well be). I immediately knew something was wrong. Rushed to the hospital only to learn that my baby was only measuring 10 weeks rather than 12. Wtf? 2 weeks went by and I had no idea. This happens to women all the time, but we don’t talk about it! Why not? I know it doesn’t take away the pain or guilt but unity is powerful. You will still ask yourself, Did I do something wrong? Did I eat the wrong thing? Exercise too hard? Stress too much? If you reach out to those that have been through the same thing you will learn, it wasn’t in your control.
There’s a light. You won’t see it until you see it. It is bright and it is colorful. They don’t call it a rainbow for nothing. After every storm, there is a rainbow to remind us that life is still good. God is still in control and good can come from the bad. I have seen this light. I first saw it a little over two months ago when I saw a new set of double pink lines. At first I was scared, but then I realized that I am stronger now than I was before. I write this to you to encourage you to talk about your journey, talk about your experiences and talk about your fears. We are all in this together. I am proof as I sit here and type this to you, your time will come again and it will be magnificent.
With great love,